Perfectionism is a recipe for failure — You know what’s a scam? Something millions of people blow thousands of dollars on every year? Something that’s considered rare and an expression of love and thus worth a crap ton of money? Diamonds. But diamonds aren’t rare at all. We only think they are because of artificial scarcity. …

Or why you should seduce your readers — In most developing countries, if you walk around a touristy place as a foreigner, you feel like you’re being treated as a walking ATM machine. I’m always half expecting someone to eventually try to swipe a card across my butt crack to see if I cough up some cash. It…

On promoting yourself — You know who has the luxury not to be a marketer? My dog. The massive throbbing pimple on my nose. A used condom in a nuns’ convent. Everyone else? From Matt Damon to Jesus Christ? We don’t simply get attention heaped on us. We can’t take eyeballs and belly scratches…

The daily struggle to write that first sentence — It's not even a secret. It's completely obvious, in fact. If you wanna be a writer, you gotta write. You gotta plop that butt of yours into a writing chair, crack those knuckles, open up your laptop, wiggle your fingers above the keyboard, and... write! And that's just what I'm…

That’s where the money is — YouTube, TikTok, Instagram, Twitch, and OnlyFans! Hooray! It’s the golden age for creators. It’s the golden age of selling pipe dreams to losers like you and me. What? You look like a sun-dried blowfish and are too ugly for video? No problem. You, my friend, can also make a killing…

On hyperbolic promises — Here are some things that are life-changing: Getting cancer. Becoming homeless. Stepping on a landmine. Finding the love of your life. Getting a screaming pooping gremlin (a.k.a. a child). Here are some things that are not life-changing: Writing on horseback. Writing on rooftops. Writing underwater. Writing underground. Writing online. And…

Don’t be afraid of reinventing yourself — Poetry, comics, novels, erotica, drama, scripts, travelogues, lyrics, tutorials, opinions, fiction, nonfiction, and on and on. There are countless types of writing you could write and that you’ve never written before. Likewise, there are just as many writing styles you could adopt and that you’ve never given a go either…

Or how to make your writing less dull — The golden rule of humor is quite simple: if they laugh, it’s funny. Unfortunately, though, it’s actually not that easy to make someone laugh, especially a stranger. I mean, back in the day when the world was still black-and-white and sound hadn’t been invented yet, all you needed was a…

3 signs you’re publishing too much — Making it as an online writer is a numbers game. It’s like trying to fight off a slobbering zombie that’s lumbering towards you by throwing cupcakes at it. The faster you throw those cupcakes at the zombie — the faster you publish — the better your chances of success. That…

Before trying to improve, get numb first — I had spent the last 15 minutes going 237 times to the toilet. There was not a single drop of urine in my bladder anymore and it was about as dry as the dusty urethra of a 2000-year-old mummy. …

Or how to increase your luck surface area as a writer — A big flat prairie lies before you. As far as you can see, it’s just flat land. No hills, no trees, no buildings. Nothing. Just grass. And you’re a meerkat. But you’re not the only meerkat. Behind you, there are hundreds! No, thousands! No, millions of your furry companions! You’re…

Have a point — I’m sure you know this. I’m sure you know this as well as you know that a toilet brush shouldn’t be used to clean your bum. It’s just like we all know we should have a meaning in our life. What am I talking about? A point! We all know…

“No one cares about you and your life” — You’re NOT special! You’re NOT some unique beautiful snowflake whose “rich inner life” is worth sharing! What the heck did you think? That you’re bloody Anne Frank, living through momentous times that need to be preserved for effing posterity?! The reality is no one gives a flying crap about you…

Writers write! — When I’m driving down the road, music at full blast, and singing along, I’m Mick Jagger. I’m Steven Tyler. I’m Tina Turner. I’m Freddie Mercury. I’m Adele. I’m mother-humping Whitney Houston. I’m ALL of them. But, boy oh boy, you can’t imagine the utter shock I experienced that one fateful…

8 strategies that have worked for me — If you ever write a story that takes off, you’ll face a horde of people sweeping in who have no idea who you are. And that’s great. You want new people to find you. That’s the whole point of publishing your words online. However, if the topic you wrote about…

Or why you need to publish more if you want to earn more — As a writer who has spent way too many hours — and often entire weeks — fiddling around with articles to get them just right, there’s one thing I hate. And I hate it as much as I hate treating crotch fungus with Tabasco sauce. But it’s the truth. When…

It’s a competitive advantage — Writing is hard. Making people fall in love with your writing is harder. Paying the bills by just writing whatever the heck you want is damn near impossible. And yet, we seem shocked — yes, shocked! — when after months and years of grinding on the writer’s treadmill, we are…

Or how NOT to starve to death because you have just one income trickle — If your dreams of being a writer didn’t involve being repeatedly punched in the nuts by financial insecurity, let me tell you how to strap on some groin protection gear and make a few more bucks. You see, although I only have as much business sense as a wildebeest at…

Or how to kill a writer’s passion — Some people are just popular. They can fart in an elevator and the other passengers will immediately turn around and congratulate them on their eloquence. For these people, it’s not hard to keep going. They’re encouraged every step of their way. …

The key to writing engagingly — Sometimes I read a piece of writing that sounds so stiff that the writer must have slipped on a banana-stuffed eel and landed butt-first on a broomstick: John Herbert Smith is a professional writer with extensive experience in writing both fiction and nonfiction, whose prose has been widely recognized as…